This is the True Story of "The Hugh Jiddyut Quartet and Discount Liquor Store Revue"! It all started while on vacation to the Galapagos Islands. Our Folks had 4 little children that just happened to shaped like those Giant Turtles, and a wearing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle outfits. So anyone can see how easy it would be, to grab the wrong one, And so they took home 4 turtles and left the kids a wearing jackets that said "Hugh Jiddyut" on the back. A local family took them in, and they couldn't stop laughing when they saw said jackets. The man said "Let's name them that, but the wife said "You cain't do that, how will they know whose being yelled at?" Future Daddy said we will name one Youra Hugh, another Issa Hugh one Whossa Hugh, and one uhhhh ..………well he was having a hard time coming up with a name for me. And I said "What are y'all some kinda nuts?" And New Daddy said your a huge idiot!!!!! That's when New Momma said "That's it, We will call him "A"…….. "A…. Hugh…. Jiddyut ! Well they laughed for about a week, and then let us in the door and fed us. It was hard growing up with our names, but it made us what we are today!!!!!!!!
"The Hugh Jiddyut Quartet and Discount Liquor Store Revue"!!!!!
These are songs about the trials and tribulations of growin up A. Hugh Jiddyut.

Our Papas were the Rolling Stones
.....
Hold on Hugh Jiddyuts, that sounds too cheerful and this here is a Sad song.
There that's much better. It's sad because we never knew our real Dads , only stories
from our drunken Mama. There are a Million stories in the Naked City,
lucky for Y'all this here ain't the Nekid City, why even seein me in shorts would make you cringe!!

Here we go….
Our Papas were the Rolling Stones, nobody knew exactly which ones
and when they left, Mama never got the number of their phones.
Our Papas were the Rolling Stones, Mama always hoped Keith wasn't one
cause when they left, none of them ever did phone

Poor Mama……
She was known as a Super Groupie back then
She would only date you if you was in a so called, "Super Group"
And man you know, That ain't Right!!….

Our Papas were the Rolling Stones, nobody knew exactly which ones
and when they left, Mama never got the number of their phones.
Our Papas were the Rolling Stones, Mama always hoped Keith wasn't one
cause when they left, none of them ever did phone

Poor Mama……
She had only learned a week ago, from JurassicRock.com that our DNA
Exactly matched one of them, but they wanted $500,000 dollars to reveal who it was
That ain't Right!!….
Mama was only $12 and 99 cents short, but she just gave up on and married a Trucker,
who looked just like one of them, but it wasn't Mick or Keith
so no one ever knew their name.

Our Papas were the Rolling Stones, nobody knew exactly which ones
and when they left, Mama never got the number of their phones.

I hope it wasn't Mick..... did you see the size of those lips?

Yester May
......
Well Y'all gonna wonder who the heck Ol Whosa Hugh Jiddyut,
is a meaning when we sing this here next song he wrote while contemplating,
his a belly button er a knot. I didn't understand either at first, not about the naval thang,
So I said "Whosa Hugh Jiddyut…..what the heck didja mean by that phrase,
"Yester May? And He said no wonder Mama named you A. Hugh Jiddyut!!!!
You've heard bout some furrin band called the Be Dulls?
Well their song was about Yesterday and mine is about Yester May,
which would be May of last year! I was gonna try and correct him,
but he out weighs me by 400 pounds……so that puts him weighin in at……….
uh……hold on lemme do the math…..uh… Issa Hugh Jiddyut what did that Truck Weigh In say?
He said 1200 pounds, but I think the scales were runnin a little light.
So rather than fight him for it, in a Hugh Jiddyut style match, a pie eaten contest.
We just let him have the win, he usually wins those anyway, here we go

Yester May, a double belly seemed so far away
can't even see it now anyway.
wish I'd go back to Yester May.

Yester May, Frisbee wuz such a super game
Now Playing it, I look so lame
wish I'd go back to Yester May.

Where'd my, hair go, I don't know , it wouldn't stay
Did my, Teeth leave then? That was when?
In Yester May.

Yester May, I could eat beans and a fart some flames
The FCC says I'm now melting planes
wish I'd go back to Yester May.

Yester May, my nose hair never even clogged a drain
paying a plumber is such a pain
wish I'd go back to Yester May.

Yester May, I could drank a whole case of beer.
been 48 just getting here
wish I'd go back to Yester May.

Where'd my, hair go, I don't know , it wouldn't say
Did my, Teeth leave then? That wuz when?
in Yester May.

Yester May, a double belly seemed so fer away
can't even see it now anyway.
wish I'd go back to Yester May.

wish I'd go back to Yester May.

Or at least a couple years further if I could

A Hard Nights Drunk
........
This is story about my 18th wife, that many in the last 2 years. Seems soon as they get a couple of Social Security checks in their belt. They are history!!

It's been a Hard Nights Drunk
And I'm a drunker than I thunk
It's been a Hard Nights Drunk
Might be smelling like a skunk
When I get home, there's you
I'm hit with things that you threw
and you got a vicious right.

It's been a Hard Nights Drunk
gonna sleep in good today
It's been a Hard Nights Drunk
That ain't exactly what you say
When I lay down in there
You yank me up by the hair
and You scream all day.

When you're home,
everyone's scared of your right ( and left hook too)
When you're gone
I'll be out gettin real tight (yikes)

It's been a Hard Nights Drunk
I might be acting, like a dog
It's been a Hard Nights Drunk
And I'm slimy, like a Frog
But when I get home, I'm screwed
cause I brought home some dude.
as you sucker punch him right

When you're home,
everyone's scared of your height
When you're gone
doing the same as last night (yikes)

It's been a Hard Nights Drunk
Won't remember a single thang
It's been a Hard Nights Drunk
maybe be suffering Bramaged Dain
Cuz when I get home you chew,
my little hinny into
And I squeal all Night
You know I squeal all Night
You know I squeal all Night

Bail Skipper
.......
Not many people know, I once was a desperate criminal on the run
……. yeah I was arrested and sent to jail ……for Jaywalking……….
drunk……… and nekid in front of the police station….
in rush hour, pulling a wagon with a keg of Jack Black in the back,
by a pony dressed like Madonna. True Story

Got no good reason, don't know just how I got in here
Ain't drunk still in season, if so just give me another beer
I ain't no bail skipper, so call me a bondsman dear
It took me sooo long, to get this drunk
I'm real drunk

Drunk ain't no reason, the judge won't a lower my bail
I said that's treason, a puttin me under the jail
I ain't no bail skipper, so call me a bondsman dear
It took me sooo long, to get this drunk
I'm real drunk

Take care of my pony, watch out for that keg of Jack Black
Pay alimony, if it's still there when I can get back
I ain't no bail skipper, so call me a bondsman dear
It took me sooo long, to get this drunk
now I'm real drunk

Dang I never get that banjo ending right!


Oh Blah Me, Oh Blah You
......
People think the Blues are about hard times
but it's really Bluegrass,
because there are no Bluegrass dues to be paid.
Only endless walks to the Liquor Store,
with drunk women a Catter Wallin
and the never ending butt dialed calls,
from drunks, who care little for your hangover

Oh Blah Me, Oh Blah You, Oh Blah Blah…Blah
You Done Drunked up all my beer
Oh Blah Me, Oh Blah You, Oh Blah Blah…Blah
how the heck did I get here

You rolled right outta bed and drank a 6 pack today
followed by a little whiskey drink
it's lookin much the same as it was yesterday
you start babbling, and I begin to think

Oh Blah Me, Oh Blah You, Oh Blah Blah…Blah
You Done Drunked up all my beer
Oh Blah Me, Oh Blah You, Oh Blah Blah…Blah
how the heck did I get here

With a Couple of beers, I could happy up today
And a couple of more, be on out the door
and no telling just what I might say

Do me a big favor, and just pop this top
fetch me chips and some spray cheese
be a wallering here, till you get back
and pass that tv remote if you please

Oh Blah Me, Oh Blah You, Oh Blah Blah…Blah
You Done Drunked up all my beer
Oh Blah Me, Oh Blah You, Oh Blah Blah…Blah
how the heck did I get here

With a Couple of beers, I could happy up today
And a couple of more, be on out the door
and no telling just what I might say

But Margarita time is just around the bend
Followed by Whiskey time at eight
10 am it's time for them jello shots
and you hate it when I'm a second late

Oh Blah Me, Oh Blah You, Oh Blah Blah…Blah
You Done Drunked up all my beer
Oh Blah Me, Oh Blah You, Oh Blah Blah…Blah
how the heck did I get here

Baby can you drive my car?
......
Let this be a lesson to you all, when you're out a drinkin make sure you remember where you park your dang ole car! This what happened to me last Saturday night, and I hate to tell you it was really scary..... I mean Really Scary!!!
I asked the girl was she too drunk to drive
that depends, how you wanna arrive?
I choose one piece, and thank you kind
but I'll be a driving if you don't mind?

she said
Baby can you drive my car?
sure you ain't drunkern I are
Baby can you drive my car?
and stop fer a burger?

I told the girl I can handle my booze,
give me the keys, then we can go cruise.
pitched em at me and to my surprise
hit me right square in both of my eyes.

Baby I can drive your car
you looking much drunker than I are
Baby I can drive your car
and I"ll buy you a burger.

I told the girl, there's a boot wheel
she said baby, ain't no big deal
This ain't my car, we're going no where
And I'm so drunk, that I don't care!

she said
Baby can you drive my car?
sure you ain't drunkern I are
Baby can you drive my car?
and maybe stop fer a burger?

Baby I can drive your car
you looking much drunker than I are
Baby I can drive your car
and I"ll buy you a burger.

She Likes Her Crickets French Fried
.......
While we was on our last World Tour,
I met this beautiful girl,
with some strange eating habits,
and that's a coming someone who will gnaw,
on almost AnyThang! I mean AnyThang!

Met me a foreign girl, not sure of her name
no one can pronounce, so I'm calling her Jane
She likes her Crickets French Fried
She likes them Crickets French Fried
She eats them Crickets French Fried
and she won't share.

Ain't sure if I could eat, what's crawling away
Like my grub to be dead, and raised on some hay
She likes her Crickets French Fried
and any bugs that just happen by
She eats them Crickets French Fried
glad she don't care.

Don't know why she's eyeing them flies,
they won't taste right, might have some disease
Thought she was a asking for fries,
but that's alright, it leaves much more for me.

Said there's a bug right there, a running away
stabbed it with her fork, it's going have to pay
She likes her Crickets French Fried
and any bugs that just happen by
She eats Them Crickets French Fried
I don't wanna share.

She likes her Crickets French Fried
I'd druther Chicken be fried
She likes it better if it flys
No I don't wanna bite……I don't care if it's got gravy on it,
well maybe with gravy….. but just one bite,….. ow that thang bit me!!


Teetotaler vs the Toe Teedler
......
I've been a ol teetotaler, all of my life
but never found a place, to go lookin for a wife
Thought I'd try a bar, and maybe a few drinks
so I jumped in my truck, drove down to Thumperdinks

Got up my courage, and went into the bar
after 6 drinks later, met a girl name of Star
She waltzed right on over, and she said to me
Hey there gorgeous, are you too good to be?

I said that alcohol had never touched my lip
it was my first time, and was already lit
She asked me what I did, and do you love me honey?
I'm a Toe Teedler, but thought I'd made a funny.

She yelled out and threw me, there upon on the floor
ripped off a boot and pitched it, right through the door
then she shoved her foot, smack dab in my kisser
then she started sangin, and she told me mister

Teedle my Toes…….no body ever Teedled them before
Teedle my Toes……. don'tcha stop a Teedling forever more

Next thing I remember, was crawling out of bed
head was pounding heavy, and wishing I was dead
and on my left hand finger was a shiny band of gold
grinning right beside me, the first thing I was told

Teedle my Toes…….no body ever Teedled them before
Teedle my Toes……. don'tcha stop a Teedlin forever more

The moral of this story I'm sure you'll all concur
It's better to be the Teedlee, than the Teedler
if your wife says jump, don't even ask what fer.
if she says Teedle me, ya better Teedle her

I'll Teedle your Toes…….like no one has Teedled them before
I'll Teedle your Toes……. and I won't stop Teedlin forever more
and I won't stop a Teedlin that's for shore!!!!!
At least let me take my teeth out first…..Dang it I'm Teedlin as FAST as I can!

Thank Ya and Good Night!